Sunday, November 17, 2013

Some Days...

Some days are harder than others. I know this isn't news to a lot of you. But sometimes I just want to go on vacation. Being a single mom wears on you. Having a special needs child wears on you. Today was one of those days. Well, actually it was like the whole weekend.

It started because Little Man was going to his dad's. We technically don't have custody orders, but he has been going every other weekend. After just talking to him, it always makes me uneasy. Probably because we don't have orders and he is trying to fight me with what time he brings Little Man back. And of course, he doesn't even ask about Princess. He brought Little Man's play house that he got for Christmas near his first birthday. He told me that he cleaned it up because he thought Princess would need it soon. Yes, Princess is 7 and a half months old, but she's not rolling over all the way, nor is she sitting up. She's nowhere near ready to crawl. In fact, that's one of the things I would hope she is doing by her first birthday that we are going to write in her IFSP. He has no clue because he hasn't spent any time with her.

Then it was followed by my hair stylist cancelling on me. Okay, I knew her son was sick, so it was iffy as to if she was going into work anyway. But she thought she had pink eye and she didn't want to give it to me to then in turn give it to Princess! Yeah, that didn't really hit me until tonight. I mean, sure she doesn't want to get any of her customers sick, but to be thinking about Princess, it just kind of hit me. Someone else was thinking about my little girl.

Then today was World Prematurity Day. Princess got to wear my favorite outfit because it was purple!

Things were fine. That is until I nearly forgot to give Princess her medication this morning. And then this afternoon, after Little Man came home, I went to give Princess her afternoon meds and I mixed up the doses! Oh my poor little brain can't take much more. It didn't help that Little Man came home in tears from his dad's. He was just sad. And it doesn't help that Princess is having a difficult time burping after her bottles because she literally falls asleep during them, so she wakes up screaming. I have ALL of Princess's bottles to wash before her bedtime bottle. I'm just so not feeling like doing ANYTHING right now. I'd like to just run away on vacation right now.

For all of you who look at me, or read this blog, and go "I could never handle all that" or "You handle it all so well," please remember that there are days that even I don't want to get out of bed. And surprisingly, those are the days that probably would seem like a normal day to anyone in my shoes. The days like what happened during the Crazy Nightmare Week are usually the days I'm okay with everything, even if things frustrate me or worry me so much I want to cry. The days that seem the most mundane, are the ones where I want to just stay in bed and not do anything.

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