Saturday, September 28, 2013

Trusting God is Scary

I've had a few times where I have had to trust God with things. These times have never been easy. In fact, they have been some of the scariest times of my life.

The first time I put my total trust in God was when I was looking for a teaching job. My best friend at the time had just gotten a job teaching 4th grade at a school district in the desert. As I was headed off to my favorite moping spot, which happened to be the fast food restaurant where I worked at the time, I happened to catch just part of a Backstreet Boys song. The song was "Just Want You to Know," and the following lines jumped out at me:

All the doors are closing, I'm tryin' to move ahead
And deep inside I wish it's me instead

For some reason those words just resonated with me at that moment. Right then, I prayed to God for Him to use me where He needed me. The next day, I got a phone call from the principal at the same school my friend had gotten hired at. We talked and she offered me a fifth grade position. This was not an ideal position for me, and I spent many days and nights praying about it. Then I got put into a third grade position for the next school year. I stayed there for four years teaching third grade.

During that time, I reconnected with my husband and we got married. I became pregnant and gave birth to Little Man. During my maternity leave, I began praying about the difficult situation I was in at work. Things had gone from good to bad in a matter of years. I was looking for a way out. God provided that way. 

I wanted to move back home, back to the area where my family was living, But I couldn't get a teaching job in that area. This was in the depths of the recession so teaching jobs were slim. So I had to take a huge leap of faith. I left my job at the end of the school year and my little family moved into a house that was owned by my father-in-law. I didn't know where the money was going to come from so I had been saving for a while. I had managed to save about $10,000. That was able to sustain us for the time while Hubby looked for work.

During this time of uncertainty, the Lord gave me Scripture to know that everything would work out. The Scripture was:
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
-- Matthew 6:25-34
I was hoping to be a stay-at-home-mom. I only lasted about a year or so. By then, I NEEDED to work. I was going stir crazy! So I got a job at a local library.

After a year, I got pregnant. 26 weeks later my water broke and almost 3 weeks after that, Princess was born. I had to entirely trust in God as I left her there. I had to trust the nurses and doctors to take care of her while I was at home. It was very difficult at times, but I knew God had her in His arms.

God granted me several songs to help me through the time with Princess. One of which was "Every Good Thing" by The Afters. The second of which, which has become our anthem and where the title of this blog came from is "We Won't Be Shaken" by Building 429.

Now, 6 months after Princess was born, I have to trust God yet again. I have taken the kids and left Hubby. I have no job and can't exactly get one because Princess is so special. Thankfully my mom has given us a place to stay while I get back on my feet and figure out what we are going to do. I had been debating this for a long time and it's only now that God has given me the strength and knowledge to know that I can do this. I can raise two kids by myself. I won't be alone. I'll probably have another post on this later as he has actually filled a dissolution of marriage (divorce).

But yet again, the Lord is with us on this. He has given me another song "Help Me Find It" by Sidewalk Prophets. In all this our faith remains unshakable. We will trust in God and He will lead us through it.

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