Scariest Thing so Far

I had Princess sleeping in her room this morning while I was out watching the news. Little Man went down there to check on her and he came back telling me that she had spit up. So I got up and went down there. I found her lying face up, staring at the ceiling, with spit up coming out of her mouth and nose. I wiped her face and she didn't move. So I scooped her up and tipped her over and started patting her on the back rather forcefully. After a few seconds of that, I turned her back over and wiped what was coming out of her mouth and nose again. It was then I noticed that her lips were starting to turn purple. So I flipped her back over and continued to beat on her back. I had to re-position her once and it was like moving a board. She was so stiff. After what seemed like an eternity, but was only about a minute, she started screaming. I turned her back over and looked at her. Her eyes weren't blank anymore. I laid her on the bed and grabbed the aspirator that's in her cup of hospital stuff I keep next to the changing station. I suctioned a little bit of milk out of her mouth, but she seemed to have either swallowed or spit what was left. I then scooped her up and held her as we walked around the house. At that point, I broke down in tears.

This was by far the scariest thing so far that has ever happened to me, even scarier than Little Man's febrile seizure when he was 18mo old. During it, I somehow remained super calm, I don't know how. Only when I heard her breathing in my ear did it all hit me.

This is one of the issues I have always had with the "back to sleep" or now the "safe sleep" campaign. What happens when you have a child who is prone to spitting up and they don't turn their head? Princess should be rolling over now, but she was born premature, so she's not. She'll do it when I work with her, but she has yet to do it on her own. So I still don't dare put her down on her tummy to sleep. She is usually very good about turning her head when she sleeps. I try to turn her head one way or the other, but she doesn't always stay that way. She's so wiggly now, I don't dare use an infant positioner, and besides, they've all be recalled.

I can't tell you how grateful I am to Little Man coming and telling me and just how thankful I am that the Lord is watching out for us. I don't know what I would have done had I lost her to something so simple as choking.